"Therefore, confess your sins to one another,
and pray for one another so that you may be healed.
The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."
Ever have one of those days? When you think your life stinks more than the next guy, and you feel you are doing everything you can to just survive the next 24 hours. That you are making every effort to be a responsible and loving human being, but still the world is heavy on your shoulders. Like everyone around you is taking it all for granted and sucking the life out of everyone else, just for their wants.
I had one of those days. After picking my son up from grief camp, I took them to a fast food chain for dinner and playtime. We talked about the camp, goods and bads. What could we do as a family to share feeling, to love, and to heal further in our circumstance.
I'm no stranger to grief; this "ain't" my first rodeo. Losing my aunts and my sister, all at very young ages, was and will always be very painful. The pain never leaves, you just learn to walk with a limp. Of course the death of my husband is totally different, but all the same, a loss is a loss. The only reason it hurts even more is because my two precious babies are hurting and mama cannot kiss this boo-boo away.
So to get back to my point, I am upset and bitter. I am thinking the world owes me something. I then took them to Walmart, one to get some finger nail clippers and two to just get a $3 prize for each of them. (I tend to do that more often, because I just want to see them smile.) After much debate, with Lilli...she is such a girl, we made our way to check out. The lines were full and I was thinking about the meeting at church I was to attend in 30 minutes. So patience was not the first thing on my mind.
I followed a couple into the shortest line and waited. They walked slowly and were even slower to unloaded the few items they had. Then I noticed they were filling out and signing the government coupons for their food. There was a problem, they picked out the 2 Walmart brands of cereal instead of the name brand "government" choices of cereal. The husband ran to get the right brand, while we waited.
THEN I thought to myself, "Great! I'm going to be late, because these "people" can't read to pick out the right cereal. On top of the fact that they are probably here illegally, sucking the tax dollars out of the mouths of Americans."
Please, I do not want this to be a polictical debate, I'm here to confess.
And right there in the check out line, God pressed hard upon my heart. "Samarah, those children need to eat just a much as your's do. Others have helped you, others love you, no matter what their opinion of your life." I am not saying He spoke to me, I'm saying He pressed HARD. Heavier than the weight of the world. Then, I heard Russell, "Buy the cereal."
With tears in my eyes, I watched as another walmart clerk took the 2 boxes to customer service, and shortly after the husband returned with the 1 box of "right brand" cereal. The clerk finished the transaction and the couple slowly put their items into the cart. I told one of the two clerks, "Can you please get that cereal for me?" She said yes and quickly returned. I whispered to the clerk, to please scan the cereal and give it to the couple. She was a little surprised, but was quick to hand it off to the couple leaving the counter.
The wife looked at the clerk and said "This is not mine" and I said "Yes it is." She said thank you. Blessed words, not from her lips alone.
The clerk finished checking out my "wanted" items, then looked at me as I was leaving said "That was really sweet of you." All I could think of were the words spoken by my Pastor not 6 hours earlier, "It was Jesus, baby." (Of course I added the baby, because aren't we all just babes in His eyes!?!) I walked away feeling ashamed. No one knew my hateful thoughts, nor the hard pressed thoughts of the Lord towards them. They all thought I was some sweet lady who bought cereal for a family. But it was Jesus, from beginning to end.
Pastor Jeff asked everyone to find their way to reach others for Christ, mine was serving. I prayed for ways to serve, to give back to anyone the way that Christ has served me. Little did I know that the opportunity would come in way of my sin. Dirty, yet washed clean through Him.
We walked to the car and past the young couple and their two babies. The husband said thank you again, and I nodded "God bless you." Will they ever know how much they have served me? Our eyes will meet across the golden streets, I'm told...I hope. I cried to the Jeep and my children asked why?
I shared with them what had happened. How Mama was wrong and how God, my Daddy, told me I was wrong. My sweet son, precious love, told me "Mom, it's ok. Everybody makes mistakes." It was blessed words, not from his lips alone.
My point being, confess your sins among men. Even if they are your children, they will see, learn, and forgive. In time they will see everyone makes mistakes and everyone can pay for those mistakes, even if it is in the form of 2 boxes of cereal. Even more, when the world is heavy upon your shoulders and you are questioning "Where is my piece of the pie?" It might come in the form of your own faults. In my weakness, He is so much stronger. He presses HARD to serve others and build us up, in HIM.
I am a sinner. I am humbled. I serve. I am humbled. He is glorified.