Grief and the healing process are very unpredictable. You never know if today is the day when all rage breaks loose and your mind goes AWOL. OR if today is the day of sweet healing honey flowing from One Holy Spirit that forces you to let go and let heal. Either way, I know glory will shine through this destruction and make a new creation. Over the last year and a half, I have been broken to my core, but I have also been lifted up in ways I cannot take the credit. I was so touched by all the emails and comments on facebook. It felt good to know that those who loved Russell still wanted to know what really happened. I forgot how quiet I had gotten. Pretty funny for a girl like me. Anyway, it was made more apparent to me that this needed to happen. I need to share the pain and glory with everyone. It's not only what we, (Ike, Lilli, and me deserve.) but it's what you all deserve as well. I only know of a few people who want wool over their eyes....and yeah they just look foolish. Moving forward.
Starting from day one I prayed daily for specific things, other than the typical heal me, comfort me, etc. I was thrown into a battle, just as my husband was thrown from the car. Yet, I had a little more time to block the car before it landed on me and burst into flames. I had time to pray and plan. One month after Russell died, my father finally told me Russell did not die on impact. (Yeah, not a fun mental picture. Breath, if I can do, it you can.) Even more enraged, I went to Pastor Jeff; I needed prayer in a bigger way. I needed specific prayer. We can't pray for healing if we don't really know the specifics. All anyone knew was that Russ was driving the car, so I felt most people really couldn't cover ALL the bases. I mean really there was a HUGE chunk of information people were missing; HELL, I was unaware of the misleading information, much less any information, for 5 days after my husband died. (All I knew for 5 days, was that they needed dental records, the papers got it wrong, both men were ejected, and Todd was in the hospital. I pictured him so burned he couldn't speak, because he would set the papers straight, right!?! I'm SO naive or nice!?!) Yeah, anyway...
After informing Jeff of the truth, I first asked that we pray for the children in this matter. Pray for the driver of the car, Todd Willoughby, and his choices he made after the accident...LOOK at him GO! Pray for his wife, Kim, and how she will handle this accident. Pray over their marriage and their family. Pray for Josh and Rachel Price, they were confused, mislead, and involving their family where it should not be involved. Pray for every family mourning this loss. Plus, I guess the devil was trying to attack me that day as well, because I was getting harassing text messages from Rachel AND her mother...at one point her mother pulled the WWJD...ON ME! I simply wrote John 8:32. So we added her mother in on the prayer list. (Note: these were all the prayers lifted up BEFORE I read ALL the depositions from the civil lawsuit, yeah...WOW. Yeah, we had to dig A LOT deeper after that!)
Then, I let him know,"You can pray for me and my comfort, but I have very specific things that need to happen. Things that I know are in God's will; we've talked this over and He wants this for me. I just need some backup. Pray I find a house, within my budget, close to family, and help us make it a home for the new us. Pray the civil lawsuit would end sooner than the 2 year estimated time my lawyer first gave. Pray that after the lawsuit is over in my favor, I will pay off the house. Pray that I would be able to buy a reliable car, I love my Jeep but it's time. And pray I will be able to start school in the fall of 2010, so that I can support my two children myself."
I have been dragging my feet about sharing this, not wanting to seem boastful. Then I remembered "It's NOT me, who did this. I am only a vessel. It's GOD and He answers. Sharing the pain and the blessing is what He asks from us. Give Him the Glory, don't rob Him of it. I am so happy to share that...
~YES, I bought a house and it is becoming a SWEET Precious Home! The kids and I just spoke this morning that we have been in the house for over a year now. Wahoo, Go God!
~YES, the civil lawsuit ended before Thanksgiving of 2009! After Todd Willoughby was arrested and charged for the crime, ANOTHER lawyer came in from his insurance and kinda set it straight. Telling us he felt Todd didn't have a case (REALLY!?!) and that he should settle with me out of court, 90/10 split. We agreed, DUH. And so did the Willoughby's, admission of guilt if you ask me. Just sayin. I didn't want to "settle" but it was a HUGE load off my broken heart. I did not want to reopen the wounds during a long civil trial. I was healing. I am glad I filed the lawsuit and took action into my own hands; Can't wait on the government. I spoke the truth and those who speak the truth DON'T settle for 10%. Just sayin.
~SO YES, I paid off my house. Not something I want to boast about, but shoot....I'm a widow and we've been burned, literally.
~YES, what's next, a new to me car paid in full. Check.
~YES, I am going to school. Check.
~YES, God answers prayers according to HIS will. 1 John 5:14.
Like I said, I held off on sharing the blessing, because of what it may appear to look like. But the truth is the truth and my prayers, specific prayers, have been answered. I'm not really sure about the answers to other prayers, but from what I read, hear, and see...they are still lying, still fake, and on the run again. SHOCKER. But as for us, our lives are moving forward, not "moving on" or "getting over it", moving forward. We are doing it in the most honest and positive way possible.These are all HUGE answers to prayer, my sweet prayer warriors. Keep praying, God is a YES Man!
Yes and as one who has been praying for all you I am so thankful that the power of prayer is not in the one praying...but in the One who hears and answers....so proud of you...so young with such a mature soul!!!
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